Moments to Remember

A year is comprised of moments, pleasant and unpleasant, but usually marked by the presence of others that make them special. In 2010, I had the opportunity to spend time with a variety of people, most of which I will probably never see again. I have decided to pursue a career in which moving frequently and leaving friends behind is inevitable. It was only yesterday, after reading an article about an indigenous healer from Mexico, that I believe I have found the appropriate term to describe the attitude that has allowed me to pursue this career: “unattached affection”. What do I mean when I use this term? I am referring to the ability to love and appreciate someone, as a friend or person, knowing that communication may be lost, but yet retaining the affection without sorrow or regret.

This year I was marked by the presence of several people, but there is one particular person that had the greatest effect on me: my best friend in Afghanistan, Frank. During a period of 6 months, Frank and I endured each other, in what could only be described as a love-hate relationship. It is nevertheless with certainty that I can say that this friendship is one of the best I have ever had. Some moments I will never forget include: 1) the night we met which was also our first argument, 2) when we presented each other our ideas and consequently partnered in the greatest two initiatives we would undertake while in Afghanistan, 3) the several missions we planned and executed together, to include with the French, 4) late nights writing strategies and papers, 5) cooking the HTT barbeque, 6) movie nights to include Weeds, Spartacus and Lie to Me, and 7) the numerous times we stood up for each other even though we frequently argued with each other. Our paths became so intertwined that the reasons we ultimately parted Afghanistan could be traced to the same source: our common stubbornness and emotional attachment to the mission.

I look back at my experience in this beautiful but war torn country and realize that even though I came here expecting to contribute to positive change for Afghan people and Coalition Forces, it is actually me who has changed. Yes, Frank and I together brought our efforts to fruition, with the recognition of both Coalition and Afghan forces and authorities. However, none of this was achieved without disappointments, doubts, confrontation, counseling statements, and hours, days and months of tireless work requiring persistence. Indeed we were lucky to be surrounded by very supportive partners to include my team leader, teammates, and Afghan and French counterparts. I strongly believe, however, that the reason Frank and I were able to work so well professionally was because we developed such a strong friendship which encouraged brutal honesty while allowing us to move past arguments and mistakes. We endured together all the backlashes of our efforts while reaping the benefits of our successes. In the end, both of us left Afghanistan under, what was in our view, less than favorable circumstances.

While I can not speak for Frank in this regard, I do believe that I left Afghanistan a changed person- ready to undertake a new phase in my life. A friend once told me that “you learn a lot more from the bad than the good. Good gives you security and really inhibits growth. The bad is where you are afforded the greatest opportunity to grow and enhance yourself as a person and a professional”. In this sense, I think that I have gained a different perspective and understanding of the meaning of friendship, loyalty, commitment and respect which will surely influence my next endeavors.

This year has indeed been filled with many moments and many that I will never forget, but I can say now that I have reached the end of the year that these moments have passed. Sometimes it is better to take the best we can from our moments and experiences, learn from them and move on. The greatest thing I have taken from this year is that it only takes one good idea and two people fully dedicated to this idea to achieve great things. Thank you, Frank.

Mariam Zan